He watched the two of them wrestling each other in the training room, laughing heartily to themselves and they tangled their limbs together. A small smile came to his lips as one pinned the other, both sets of eyes sparkling.
He hadn't thought that allowing Torian back onto the ship would have such wonderful side effects. When he had first seen the Mando'ad, he had originally thought that it would be a great couple of days, a few romps in the bed, and a few good hunts and bounties. But now...
It had been months. And the Mandalorian was still here. Still in the same room. Still calling him alor'ad. There were countless times he could have bailed, could have left them, especially with the trouble they had gotten into, but he had firmly told them he was staying. He had never revealed why, even when prodded, but he needn't ask. He knew.
He knew love when he saw it.
And Torian Cadera had fallen madly and deeply in love with Reilik Helikias. And to seal the coffin even more, Reilik had completely let himself fall in love with the Mando'ad as well. The two usually were never seen from each other's sides, especially since their run in on Coruscant.
No. He wouldn't think of that. That just brought back sour memories that tainted the happiness that they were all feeling within the peaceful lull of space.
He had to give the dar'jetti credit though. If it hadn't been for Reilik, they would have been executed. He never thought he would have to see the man that had become almost like a brother to him fight his own kind. To mercilessly kill the Jedi that stood in their way and not allowed them to escape.
Reilik had killed quite a few of the people he had once called friends, and had even injured one of his own clan. That still didn't sit right with the man, and it didn't sit right with him either. If he had been strong enough, kept up with his slicing abilities, then he could have gotten them out of there without Reilik having to do much of anything.
When they had gotten back onto the ship, Reilik had flitted back to his room, not allowing anyone in or exiting it himself. The dar'jetii had stayed in there for four days before Torian had convinced him to allow the Mando'ad entrance. And then it had been another day before he had actually exited the room. Ever so slowly Torian had gotten Reilik to forget about that tragice day, and he wanted it that way.
As Torian leaned down towards Reilik's face, their lips centimeters apart, he stood, dusted off his pants, and chuckled, shaking his head before heading towards the door, not saying a word or wishing to interrupt the two.
Besides, he had an agent that he needed to speak with about some urgent news. And their meetings always seemed to drag on one way or another... But always in a good way... Usually under the covers.
I'm such a tease.
Oh yes. He was a tease.
~*~
Ulic Balios
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a little snippit of thought from Ulic Balios, one of my other characters from Helikias Legacy Revealed. He's the real heart behind the group of misfits that have joined together. If it wasn't for him, they wouldn't survive everything in a sense. His caring nature is sometimes hidden by his crass attitude of his overbearing medic duties, but he loves his entire "crew."
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Helikias Legacy Revealed Teasers
Warning: Some language in this might not be appropriate... Do not say I didn't warn you.
“No!”
The bellow echoed around him, his heart aching greatly. Anger welled
in his eyes as he stared down his opponent as white lightsaber met
red. The humming was dazzling music to his ears, but it wouldn’t
distract him from his goal.
But
his opponent didn’t seem to have eyes for him, as he turned towards
a young woman, Force slamming her away from a young man. As his
opponent took stance over her, he quickly yelled out, reaching
towards her with the hopes of his depleted Force able to attack,
“Run!” The attack hit his opponent square in the back, causing
him to stumble slightly but not much. My force… He
thought, feeling light headed slightly. My force is almost
depleted. But his worry drifted away upon seeing the young
man dismembered and beheaded. A bellow of rage built in his chest
before he opened his mouth, readying to let it free, only to gag in
astonishment as his opponent spun to him and held out his hand.
A
force seemed to grip around his throat, as if a hand was physically
squeezing the life out of him. Upon the realization that he would
more than likely die, his eyes caught the young woman’s, begging
her to run for freedom. As she stood transfixed, rooted to the spot
in fear, he worried that all hope was lost.
His
opponent bellowed in laughter, throwing his head back, “Run, run,
little girl. The chase is so much more fun when the prey is willing
to live…”
And
then he felt something enter his chest, a burning hot sensation that
seemed to fill his chest cavity to the point of no return.
Realization hit him as he finally was able to gasp for breath, albeit
painfully and raspy. His opponent had thrust his lightsaber through
his chest and back. The ground met his face as his opponent finally
discarded him in lieu of the young woman that was transfixed to her
spot still.
He
tried to yell at her to run once again, but he found he didn’t have
the ability to. “And now, little girl, it is your turn
to die, much like he did…” Laughter hit his ears as darkness
clouded his vision. One last time he tried to yell out to save her,
but knew it was futile. The last thing he could do before darkness
claimed him and the gods took his soul was reach out towards her with
a shaky hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a little teaser for the story I'm writing. The title I believe I'm going to be going with is Helikias Legacy Revealed. This is a memory of Zeik's. I'll give another teaser for you all, just because I kinda want to. lol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zeik
moaned as he ran a hand through his hair before rubbing a temple and
sitting down on the couch that they had in their lounge. Ulic and
Je'lie were in the middle of a card game, one he didn't wish to know
what it was. The two constantly were making up games with incredibly
outlandish laws, most of which ended up with stripping. It was at
those moments in time that he would toss his cards down, call himself
out, and leave the room. He didn't really desire to see either one of
his companions naked, and would refrain from doing so as long as he
could.
"How
ya feelin' buddy?" Ulic called over to him from the table, and
Zeik noted that he didn't even raise his eyes from his cards,
probably a good thing too, since Je'lie had snaked his hand silently
forward. "Uh-uh-uh! I don't think so, Je! No cheating,
remember?"
Je'lie
held his hand up in defense, a shrug of his shoulders accompanying
those words, "What? I did no such thing!"
"Yet!"
Ulic chuckled, a smirk coming to his face. He then threw his cards
down, "Hah!"
Je'lie
shook his head, placing his cards down civilly, and Ulic almost
pouted. "I win again, Ulic." He then smirked slightly, only
one side of his lips quirking up, "Are you sure you've played
cards before? It seems no matter how much we stack the odds in your
favor I still beat you..."
"Oh!"
Ulic looked abashed, blushing slightly. "Give me a blaster and
I'm unstoppable! But give me cards, and I loose everything to my
name, including my pride..."
Je'lie
chuckled at him as he watched Ulic pull off his armored chest piece,
"Are you sure you're just not loosing on purpose?"
"Oh...
uhm," Ulic's blush became even deeper before he turned his head
away and cleared his throat, "Well, uhm..." And then he
beamed slightly, "Oh, hey! We're going to be to Voss in another
day! I heard from some contacts..."
"Torian,"
Je'lie rolled his eyes.
Ulic
pouted, "Hey! The kid's got heart! And he's a true Mandalorian
if I've ever seen one..."
"Not
to mention a good fuck," Je'lie shrugged, causing Ulic to
flounder for a moment before bringing himself back to the present.
"None
the less... Torian gave me a lead on a bounty that is one of the
higher end ones!" He then seemed to beam once again as he gave a
dashing smile in Zeik's direction, "It's a Senator, and they're
on Voss too for negotiations!"
"Maybe,"
Zeik sighed, rubbing a hand on his temple as a throb of pain gave him
a migraine. "We'll see..."
"Haar'chak!"
Ulic hissed, "I know what that means... It means that we
probably won't be able to check out this lead..." He then
moaned. "Torian had worked so hard on that..." (Damn it!)
"I'm
sure Zeik could find the time to aid you in a bounty," Je'lie
smirked at the Sith, who in turn glared at him.
"Don't
encourage him," Zeik frowned greatly.
Ulic
seemed exuberant as he nodded, "Vor entye, cyare!" (Thank
you, beloved!)
"Common!
Stop using Mando'a around me!" Zeik growled out.
"If
only you'd take the lessons that I'm willing to give you," Ulic
shrugged. "I will not stop using my clan's language. Mandalore
would be very disappointed if I did." He then snickered, "You
just feel left out when I use it, admit it!"
"I
admit to nothing, Balios!" The Sith grunted out, running a hand
through his ebony hair once again before allowing his hand to drop to
his side before he laid his head on the back of the couch. He then
sighed from his position, "Fine. I'll make you a deal!"
"Me'copaanl?"
Ulic mumbled, leaning forward intently. (What do you want?)
"You
give me some Bacta for this damnable migraine and I'll go with you to
collect this bounty..." Zeik finally moaned, another throb
pounding through his temple.
"Elek!"
Ulic thrust his fist into the air in victory. (Yeah!)
"I'll
take it that means you agree," Zeik grumbled as he rubbed his
temple once again and watched as the room spun upon him opening his
eyes. "If we are in agreement, go get me some damn Bacta, would
you?"
"I'll
do you one better, ori'vod..." Ulic smirked, opening up a
compartment on his armguard and pulled out a syringe filled with a
green substance. And then he was stalking over to the pitiful excuse
for a Sith at that moment in time, quickly grabbing his arm and
yanking the sleeve of the robe up, ignoring the outcry from him. With
that, he was stabbing the needle into Zeik's arm and pushing the
liquid into the vein that he had hit, watching as Zeik suddenly
seemed to be more at ease. (big brother)
"Oh
gods, that's so much better," Zeik sighed in bliss at the
throbbing quickly diminished to almost nothing. The room stopped
spinning and his stomach quelled. He then languidly stood, stretching
his muscles, "Now that I can actually think with a clear head,
I'm going to go meditate for a while... I'll be in the training room
if you need me."
And
with that, he was gone, leaving the bounty hunter and agent staring
at one another, smirks on their faces. "Well, shall we get back
to our game? I think I was winning," Ulic beamed.
"Oh?
And how do you figure?" Je'lie asked, a smirk coming to his
lips.
"Wasn't
the point of this to see who could get stripped fast enough?"
"No."
Je'lie's snort was his answer.
"No?"
Ulic almost pouted. "And here I thought it was..." He then
shrugged, "oh well. It makes it all the more interesting."
He quickly came back to the table and sat down, picking his freshly
dealt cards up before smirking, "Should we up the ante this time
around?"
"You're
trying to get naked aren't you?" Je'lie asked, his
eyebrows raising in question. "No shame in it, let me tell you.
I love to see that blue flesh out in the open. It's just... I think
Zeik is feeling a little left out at not having someone lately..."
Ulic's
joy quickly left him at that point, a sigh breaking from his lips,
"Yeah. I can see it as well. He seems to be having more and more
unlocking memories, so maybe it has something to do with that, eh? I
mean, when we traveled together before, he never really said anything
about anyone, but he kept a lot of things close to his chest..."
"Yes.
How did you get him to tell you about his memories?"
Je'lie asked, leaning over the table a little more.
"He
seemed plagued, and I was just an ear," Ulic shrugged, a grin
breaking out on his face. "Of course, it helps when you lather
him up with alcohol as well..."
"No!
You got the almighty Zeik plastered?" Je'lie's eyebrows shot up
in his surprise. "How? That man's tolerance for alcoholic
beverages is top of the charts!"
"It
took me a few hours worth of hard work, but finally completed it
after spiking some of his drinks with spice!" Ulic snickered.
"Once those last ten drinks went the wayside, he was plastered
and high, what a wonderful combination to loosen the tongue..."
He then waggled his eyebrows, "And a many other things..."
"You
didn't," Je'lie pouted.
"Never
dream of it, cyare. You're the only one for me, I promise," Ulic
nodded. "No, I refused him, but he was rather flamboyant about
it once his inhibitions were gone... That man needs to get laid!"
He quickly waved a hand in the air, "But nonetheless... Yes, I
spiked his drink. And he told me everything. Every little juicy
detail that he remembered!" (beloved)
"Anything
of note?" Je'lie asked, rather curious to know about his
friend's true past.
"Well,
he said he remembered going through hell and back to get his tats on
his face, and that they mean something really important... he just
can't remember what they are. From what I know of the Kiffar, it
stands for his clan. He said that they're his father's clan,
though... which means he's only half Kiffar. Kiffars usually take
their mother's clan as their qukuuf. If their mother is not Kiffar,
then the child inherits the father's qukuuf. So His mother must not
have been Kiffar." Ulic rubbed the back of his head. "Didn't
say anything else about family, but I know for a fact he has a
brother... a twin. They were very close when I first started
traveling with all tall dark and broody... It's a shame he doesn't
remember him."
"And
you haven't told him anything of what you know?" Je'lie asked,
surprised.
"No,
no!" Ulic shook his head. "That'd be dangerous for his
psyche. You've seen how much it hurts him just to remember one or two
things... Could you imagine unlocking something as big as his family?
Or the significance of his culture?" A frown marred his lips, "I
might be a bounty hunter, and I might be the best damned bounty
hunter in the galaxy... But I'm still a medic at heart. And every
fiber of my being is telling me that a shock like that... Would more
than likely kill him if it isn't done in the right way! And until he
knows a little more about his past, it isn't the right way."
Je'lie
nodded quietly for a moment before looking back down at his cards.
And then a small smirk came to his face, "Read 'em and weep!"
"Weep
I shall!" Ulic pouted once again, throwing his cards face down
on the table before unhooking his belt and letting it drop to the
floor. "You win once again, cyare..." (beloved)
As Ulic
went to grab the cards, Je'lie swiped them from the table, flipping
them over and frowning greatly. "Now whose the one that's
cheating?"
"I
don't know what you're talking about," Ulic bumbled on,
snatching the cards from his hands and quickly shuffling them.
"You
won that round!" Je'lie couldn't contain his smile as Ulic
feigned indifference.
"No,
you are mistaken, bur'cya! I lost that round. You saw me take off my
belt, didn't you? I clearly lost, or I would not have taken off my
belt..." Ulic waved dismissively. (friend)
Je'lie
snorted, but said nothing. If there ever was a man that was good at
quite a few things, it was definitely Ulic Balios. They hadn't met
anyone that could beat him at hunting, shooting, wooing, and playing
cards, and Je'lie would have him no other way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alright. There's the second teaser. Oh, what's that? You don't know who Ulic and Je'lie are? Well then, I guess you're just going to have to guess until I put up the whole chapter.
I swear, one of these days, I will write little stories for my character's pasts... They are rather sad. No wonder they're all part of the Empire. lol.
I hope you enjoyed this. Because I can tell you, I enjoyed writing it.
Laments of Zeik
He had lost her. Lost the woman he loved. He hadn't been strong enough to keep their hands off of her. True, he had taken down a few before they had surrounded them, but he hadn't been strong enough.
Not strong enough.
That thought had pain lacing through his heart deeply, and he blinked back his tears. Here he was, in a cell, Force locked away, and all he could think about was her shocked face. The worry for him that radiated from her. The sickening sound of blaster fire and Ulic's strangled cry as he crumpled to the ground, clutching his shoulder.
He refused their questions, ignored their prodding. All he wanted was his little Ellona. He wanted that piece of perfection that he had finally grasped. Her beautiful steely eyes that always seemed to radiate whatever emotion she was feeling, even if she didn't wish it. Her gorgeous strawberry blond hair that smell of such a sweet scent that he even now could just barely waft it upon the wind.
Not strong enough.
The echoing pain from that thought brought on another pain, but was it really from that, or what they were doing to him?
He closed his eyes, imagining her laugh that lilted upon the air, as if bells accompanied it. He imagined her lips and how luscious they were, how well they tasted.
Where was she now? What had the Republic done to her? Would they allow her freedom? Or would they label her a traitor and do away with her as they were going to with him?
Not strong enough.
Pain laced his body once again, and he lowered his head to his chest, barely keeping a sob back at the thought of anything happening to her.
Not strong...
He shook his head back and forth. If he had never agreed to this stupid trek, they wouldn't have gotten caught. If he had stuck to his original plan of heading to Illum, they would have been flying clear without being split up, without being captured.
And now? Now there was no chance of escape. Now there was no companions to aid in his rescue. Now he was virtually... alone.
That one word. It sent shivers down his spine. He didn't want to be alone. It terrified him. He feared when he was alone. He feared what would happen to his mind. What if he forgot everyone? What if he became the heartless Sith that he once was? What if he forgot himself? Or what if he just completely lost his mind?
Who would be there to help him? To bring him back to himself?
I'm sorry.
He wanted to tell them all, but he knew they would not hear him.
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.
~*~
Zeik Helikias
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was just a little blurb from the mind of my Sith Inquisitor. This is set a few years after the ending of SWTOR online game. There's definitely back story on my characters, I love them as if they were absolutely real. And at one point I will do back stories on them, especially Ulic and Zeik, but right now I'm just writing their story together.
Not strong enough.
That thought had pain lacing through his heart deeply, and he blinked back his tears. Here he was, in a cell, Force locked away, and all he could think about was her shocked face. The worry for him that radiated from her. The sickening sound of blaster fire and Ulic's strangled cry as he crumpled to the ground, clutching his shoulder.
He refused their questions, ignored their prodding. All he wanted was his little Ellona. He wanted that piece of perfection that he had finally grasped. Her beautiful steely eyes that always seemed to radiate whatever emotion she was feeling, even if she didn't wish it. Her gorgeous strawberry blond hair that smell of such a sweet scent that he even now could just barely waft it upon the wind.
Not strong enough.
The echoing pain from that thought brought on another pain, but was it really from that, or what they were doing to him?
He closed his eyes, imagining her laugh that lilted upon the air, as if bells accompanied it. He imagined her lips and how luscious they were, how well they tasted.
Where was she now? What had the Republic done to her? Would they allow her freedom? Or would they label her a traitor and do away with her as they were going to with him?
Not strong enough.
Pain laced his body once again, and he lowered his head to his chest, barely keeping a sob back at the thought of anything happening to her.
Not strong...
He shook his head back and forth. If he had never agreed to this stupid trek, they wouldn't have gotten caught. If he had stuck to his original plan of heading to Illum, they would have been flying clear without being split up, without being captured.
And now? Now there was no chance of escape. Now there was no companions to aid in his rescue. Now he was virtually... alone.
That one word. It sent shivers down his spine. He didn't want to be alone. It terrified him. He feared when he was alone. He feared what would happen to his mind. What if he forgot everyone? What if he became the heartless Sith that he once was? What if he forgot himself? Or what if he just completely lost his mind?
Who would be there to help him? To bring him back to himself?
I'm sorry.
He wanted to tell them all, but he knew they would not hear him.
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.
~*~
Zeik Helikias
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was just a little blurb from the mind of my Sith Inquisitor. This is set a few years after the ending of SWTOR online game. There's definitely back story on my characters, I love them as if they were absolutely real. And at one point I will do back stories on them, especially Ulic and Zeik, but right now I'm just writing their story together.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Terrible Twos... Why are they so terrible?
Well, I never thought I'd be saying this. I never thought my son would be like every other kid. I had wished to think that I had raised him so he wouldn't go into this stage. But... I guess it is engraved in every little boy at the tender age of 2...
The Terrible Twos.
And boy did they hit hard! I mean, one day I'm sitting with my son on the couch, watching his favorite movies, playing his favorite games, singing his favorite songs, and then... BAM! He's no longer adorable Toby. Noooo. He's conniving, maniacal, sneaky, ninja-like Toby.
He instigates crying sessions out of Aidan. He starts arguments with Jason and I (with Toby, not between the two of us). His energy level is now so high that I feel so drained trying to keep up.
I cannot tell you how many times I day I have to tell Toby "No" or "Stay away from that" or "Don't jump off of that" or even "Get. Down!" It's exhausting. And to tell you the truth... I want it all to end! I want my loveable Toby back. My little baby boy that doesn't smart back to me or scream all day long.
Just today he made me want to rip out my hair so badly that I didn't know what to do. It all started this morning when he had finished his first drink of the day. He was lounging on his little couch that he has while I was on the couch trying to snooze some since Aidan had me up at 4 am and didn't go back to sleep until around 5:40 this morning. Upon finishing his drink and realizing that he didn't have anything else in his cup, he crawled up the couch and shoved the drink in my face, smashing my nose in the process. When I told him he could wait a little bit before haivng another drink he then proceeded to pull back his hand that had the cup in it, scream at me, and then throw the cup at my face.
Upon the stars disappearing from my sight, I told him in a rather calm manner to sit on his couch and be quiet. And because of the way he had acted he could wait until he got a drink.
That was just the start of the day. Then there was the constantly getting up on top of the coffee table and jumping off of it. Thus proceeded the two hours of me constantly pulling him down off of the coffee table and telling him no, which proceeded to bring on the tantrums that went on for half of the day.
The only time of peace I had was when Toby took a nap for around an hour and after Jason got home I quickly went over to my neighbor's house to help her clean.
Why couldn't my son have been different from other children his age? Why couldn't he have totally bypassed the terrible two's? And lastly... How am I supposed to cope with them, since every day I go to sleep exhausted, only to start the process over again.
The Terrible Twos.
And boy did they hit hard! I mean, one day I'm sitting with my son on the couch, watching his favorite movies, playing his favorite games, singing his favorite songs, and then... BAM! He's no longer adorable Toby. Noooo. He's conniving, maniacal, sneaky, ninja-like Toby.
He instigates crying sessions out of Aidan. He starts arguments with Jason and I (with Toby, not between the two of us). His energy level is now so high that I feel so drained trying to keep up.
I cannot tell you how many times I day I have to tell Toby "No" or "Stay away from that" or "Don't jump off of that" or even "Get. Down!" It's exhausting. And to tell you the truth... I want it all to end! I want my loveable Toby back. My little baby boy that doesn't smart back to me or scream all day long.
Just today he made me want to rip out my hair so badly that I didn't know what to do. It all started this morning when he had finished his first drink of the day. He was lounging on his little couch that he has while I was on the couch trying to snooze some since Aidan had me up at 4 am and didn't go back to sleep until around 5:40 this morning. Upon finishing his drink and realizing that he didn't have anything else in his cup, he crawled up the couch and shoved the drink in my face, smashing my nose in the process. When I told him he could wait a little bit before haivng another drink he then proceeded to pull back his hand that had the cup in it, scream at me, and then throw the cup at my face.
Upon the stars disappearing from my sight, I told him in a rather calm manner to sit on his couch and be quiet. And because of the way he had acted he could wait until he got a drink.
That was just the start of the day. Then there was the constantly getting up on top of the coffee table and jumping off of it. Thus proceeded the two hours of me constantly pulling him down off of the coffee table and telling him no, which proceeded to bring on the tantrums that went on for half of the day.
The only time of peace I had was when Toby took a nap for around an hour and after Jason got home I quickly went over to my neighbor's house to help her clean.
Why couldn't my son have been different from other children his age? Why couldn't he have totally bypassed the terrible two's? And lastly... How am I supposed to cope with them, since every day I go to sleep exhausted, only to start the process over again.
Friday, July 13, 2012
New Life, New Friends!!
So... I'm finally in the world of the living again. Lol.
We finally got moved - which was a pain in my rear end, actually - and got all of our stuff into our new house. It took a while, but we also got y computer set up so that I can now once again speak to those that are important in my life other than my family.
Although, I must say, I am very pleased with our new home and our neighbors. My neighbor, named Traci, is a wonderful woman that has a set of 5 year old twins... Hannah and Jason. Both are extraordinary children, and I am so grateful to have met them. They are quite inquisitive kids as well, always asking questions, and rather polite, might I add. One of the things that I enjoy, though, is when they're over at my house, they make themselves at home, only asking me when they need a fruit snack or maybe a drink. Other than that, they play right along with Toby. Which is wonderful. Toby loves them as well, he even said it to both of them. It was a day last week, actually. He waltzed right up to little Jason and wrapped his arms around him before going, "Love you..." Then repeated the process with Hannah.
Traci is a wonderful woman as well, and I feel like I've found a sister that I thought I never had. She makes me feel wanted, a lot more than what I felt in Punxsutawney, and it's a wonderful feeling... that it is. She's going to school for Cosmotology as well, which is awesome, since I have my Nail Technician liscense. We talk about everything under the sun, every night. She's been such a blessing as well, because we're sharing meals. One night I'll make dinner, and the other night she'll make dinner.
The house is coming together rather nicely. I actually got the entire kitchen unpacked on Wednesday, and I'm hoping on Monday to start in the office/living room. But already it's feeling more and more like my family belongs here, and it's such an awesome feeling that I'm bursting with joy.
Most of my stress is gone, and I feel more acomplished since the move. I wasn't sure if I would survive the move, but I perservered and got myself together.
Sadly though, poor little Toby has strep throat and probably a sinus infection... But luckily he's on medicine, so hopefully that will clear up. As for little Aidan, he's getting closer and closer every day to actually crawling. And I'm sitting here right now, the pack and play beside me, and I swear he just did crawl forward just the tiniest of bits before letting himself down onto his belly.
I kind of feel bad for my first baby though... Ella, that is... She's still trying to adjust to all of this... Well, not the house, that is. She loves this new house. She's trying to adjust to Jason and Hannah along with how small our back yard is. If the weather ever breaks and we have a decent day of nice 70 degree weather with not high humidity, then I'll take her on a nice walk outside with the kids. We could walk down to Jason's Advance Auto and visit him at work.
And as for my amazing husband, he's enjoying his new job. It's a challenge, that's for sure, but he's enjoying it very much. I guess he said that there are a few things that need straightened out, but other than that, everything is fine. He is now coming home almost every day at around 5:30 and not taking a nap, so he plays with Toby and Aidan a lot more, which is wonderful...
OH M G!!! Aidan just crawled forward! Sure, his face was burried into the bottom of the pack and play (which was a rather funny picture that I wish I could have caught), but he managed to push his legs forward and he went forward. Yay to my little man!
Sorry, I just had to give you that news, because it makes me feel all giddy inside...
And sadly, I have to end this because I believe I need to go into Mommy mode since I'm watching 4 kids that are watching the very tail end of the movie Rio... and once that movie is over, I have a feeling all chaos might break loose. lol...
We finally got moved - which was a pain in my rear end, actually - and got all of our stuff into our new house. It took a while, but we also got y computer set up so that I can now once again speak to those that are important in my life other than my family.
Although, I must say, I am very pleased with our new home and our neighbors. My neighbor, named Traci, is a wonderful woman that has a set of 5 year old twins... Hannah and Jason. Both are extraordinary children, and I am so grateful to have met them. They are quite inquisitive kids as well, always asking questions, and rather polite, might I add. One of the things that I enjoy, though, is when they're over at my house, they make themselves at home, only asking me when they need a fruit snack or maybe a drink. Other than that, they play right along with Toby. Which is wonderful. Toby loves them as well, he even said it to both of them. It was a day last week, actually. He waltzed right up to little Jason and wrapped his arms around him before going, "Love you..." Then repeated the process with Hannah.
Traci is a wonderful woman as well, and I feel like I've found a sister that I thought I never had. She makes me feel wanted, a lot more than what I felt in Punxsutawney, and it's a wonderful feeling... that it is. She's going to school for Cosmotology as well, which is awesome, since I have my Nail Technician liscense. We talk about everything under the sun, every night. She's been such a blessing as well, because we're sharing meals. One night I'll make dinner, and the other night she'll make dinner.
The house is coming together rather nicely. I actually got the entire kitchen unpacked on Wednesday, and I'm hoping on Monday to start in the office/living room. But already it's feeling more and more like my family belongs here, and it's such an awesome feeling that I'm bursting with joy.
Most of my stress is gone, and I feel more acomplished since the move. I wasn't sure if I would survive the move, but I perservered and got myself together.
Sadly though, poor little Toby has strep throat and probably a sinus infection... But luckily he's on medicine, so hopefully that will clear up. As for little Aidan, he's getting closer and closer every day to actually crawling. And I'm sitting here right now, the pack and play beside me, and I swear he just did crawl forward just the tiniest of bits before letting himself down onto his belly.
I kind of feel bad for my first baby though... Ella, that is... She's still trying to adjust to all of this... Well, not the house, that is. She loves this new house. She's trying to adjust to Jason and Hannah along with how small our back yard is. If the weather ever breaks and we have a decent day of nice 70 degree weather with not high humidity, then I'll take her on a nice walk outside with the kids. We could walk down to Jason's Advance Auto and visit him at work.
And as for my amazing husband, he's enjoying his new job. It's a challenge, that's for sure, but he's enjoying it very much. I guess he said that there are a few things that need straightened out, but other than that, everything is fine. He is now coming home almost every day at around 5:30 and not taking a nap, so he plays with Toby and Aidan a lot more, which is wonderful...
OH M G!!! Aidan just crawled forward! Sure, his face was burried into the bottom of the pack and play (which was a rather funny picture that I wish I could have caught), but he managed to push his legs forward and he went forward. Yay to my little man!
Sorry, I just had to give you that news, because it makes me feel all giddy inside...
And sadly, I have to end this because I believe I need to go into Mommy mode since I'm watching 4 kids that are watching the very tail end of the movie Rio... and once that movie is over, I have a feeling all chaos might break loose. lol...
Bounty Hunter...
OUT!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Dabwei hops!
Oh, the imagination of a two year old. If only we could go back to that age and live it again. No cares in the world. No bills, no packing, no stress. Just black and white things, like I'm hungry or thirsty mommy. But it just amazes me how far their imagination can take things sometimes.
Every two year old out there probably has some form of an imaginary friend, especially if they aren't around a lot of kids their age. And my son seems to be one of them. Now don't get me wrong. He is amazing with other kids his age and actually older. He loves to play with them and horse around. Now younger kids we're still working on because he doesn't understand why he can't play with them like he can with kids his age, but he isn't selfish or violent.
I found out yesterday that yes, Toby does have an imaginary friend, and that HE (he's definitely a HE. Toby was adamant about that along with a few other things, actually.) isn't small like Toby is. We were sitting on my bed yesterday (I was trying to get my youngest, Aidan, to scoot like he did the other day) and Toby was crawling all around Aidan and I while giggling and laughing and talking to someone that I just couldn't see. He had been doing stuff like that for a while now, and I kinda figured that it probably was an imaginary friend, but I didn't want to push the issue and make him feel like I wasn't giving him any privacy.
But yesterday I just couldn't resist. It was too cute just to let it go. I had to ask the ultimate question to my oldest son. "Honey, who are you talking to?" He got deathly quiet and looked over at me, almost a miffed expression on his face for a moment before he turned back to the air that was beside him and then giggled. He then smiled at me before replying.
"Friend."
Short, sweet, precise. I was surprised. He had never said that word before. So you can imagine my pride at that. But oh, the surprises didn't end there.
"Well, what's your friend's name?"
"Dabwei!"
Oh, that was a sucker punch in a sense. I don't even know where he got the idea for that name, because it sounds African, and he doesn't watch anything that has anything African in it. "Dabwei, huh? Dabwei is your friend's name?"
"Yus!" (you have to understand. My son can say yes, he just emphasizes it and says, "yus.")
Well, that got me thinking even more. My son had an imaginary friend, and the imaginary friend's name was Dabwei.
"Well, what is Dabwei?" I asked him, quite curious as to what he would say.
It was at that point that Toby pushed down hard in one spot on the bed before moving his hands in an arc and then pushing them down hard in another place. With a huge grin on his face, he replied to me, "Dabwei hop!"
Ah, more trivial information that isn't so trivial... or so I thought. I smiled at him before replying, "So Dabwei is a kangaroo?"
It was at that moment that Toby's smile on his face disappeared before he got an angry look to him. He shook his head and replied angrily to me, "No!" He even drew it out, which I silently laughed on the inside about.
"Well then, what is Dabwei, honey?" I asked, rather curious to see what creature he was going to say. What I got next blew my mind for the sole reason that he's only seen this creature once, and only heard the name of it once.
"Alligator!" Was his reply before puffing out his chest in pride.
I tried to tell him that alligator's don't hop, and he got mad at me and told me they did. So I then replied with an alright. I figured it wouldn't hurt to let him think that alligators hop, especially his friend Dabwei.
It was after our little conversation that I noticed it was no longer "I play." or "Drink?" It was "Dabwei, I play." and "Dabwei, I hungy." I guess now that I know about his secret, Dabwei isn't a secret.
Another interesting thought... Maybe he made up Dabwei to help him not be afraid of water or dark places... I even caught him last night using one of the boxes as a boat in his room. He was even rowing it and giggling and looking down outside the box, as if Dabwei was cruising alongside him. When Toby saw me at the door, he smiled before standing in his boat and going, "Dabwei I play!" I didn't know what to say to that, so I just said, "OK." and left him to it.
I'm wondering if I'm going to have to start making a separate plate at meal times for Dabwei so Toby feels like Dabwei gets food as well, or if I'm going to have to put extra food on Toby's dish.
So time will tell, but I have a feeling my son isn't going to be afraid of any bullies with his buddy Dabwei around, and that makes me feel great on the inside. So with the imagination of a two year old still slightly baffling my mind, I bid you all a farewell.
Bounty Hunter... out!
Every two year old out there probably has some form of an imaginary friend, especially if they aren't around a lot of kids their age. And my son seems to be one of them. Now don't get me wrong. He is amazing with other kids his age and actually older. He loves to play with them and horse around. Now younger kids we're still working on because he doesn't understand why he can't play with them like he can with kids his age, but he isn't selfish or violent.
I found out yesterday that yes, Toby does have an imaginary friend, and that HE (he's definitely a HE. Toby was adamant about that along with a few other things, actually.) isn't small like Toby is. We were sitting on my bed yesterday (I was trying to get my youngest, Aidan, to scoot like he did the other day) and Toby was crawling all around Aidan and I while giggling and laughing and talking to someone that I just couldn't see. He had been doing stuff like that for a while now, and I kinda figured that it probably was an imaginary friend, but I didn't want to push the issue and make him feel like I wasn't giving him any privacy.
But yesterday I just couldn't resist. It was too cute just to let it go. I had to ask the ultimate question to my oldest son. "Honey, who are you talking to?" He got deathly quiet and looked over at me, almost a miffed expression on his face for a moment before he turned back to the air that was beside him and then giggled. He then smiled at me before replying.
"Friend."
Short, sweet, precise. I was surprised. He had never said that word before. So you can imagine my pride at that. But oh, the surprises didn't end there.
"Well, what's your friend's name?"
"Dabwei!"
Oh, that was a sucker punch in a sense. I don't even know where he got the idea for that name, because it sounds African, and he doesn't watch anything that has anything African in it. "Dabwei, huh? Dabwei is your friend's name?"
"Yus!" (you have to understand. My son can say yes, he just emphasizes it and says, "yus.")
Well, that got me thinking even more. My son had an imaginary friend, and the imaginary friend's name was Dabwei.
"Well, what is Dabwei?" I asked him, quite curious as to what he would say.
It was at that point that Toby pushed down hard in one spot on the bed before moving his hands in an arc and then pushing them down hard in another place. With a huge grin on his face, he replied to me, "Dabwei hop!"
Ah, more trivial information that isn't so trivial... or so I thought. I smiled at him before replying, "So Dabwei is a kangaroo?"
It was at that moment that Toby's smile on his face disappeared before he got an angry look to him. He shook his head and replied angrily to me, "No!" He even drew it out, which I silently laughed on the inside about.
"Well then, what is Dabwei, honey?" I asked, rather curious to see what creature he was going to say. What I got next blew my mind for the sole reason that he's only seen this creature once, and only heard the name of it once.
"Alligator!" Was his reply before puffing out his chest in pride.
I tried to tell him that alligator's don't hop, and he got mad at me and told me they did. So I then replied with an alright. I figured it wouldn't hurt to let him think that alligators hop, especially his friend Dabwei.
It was after our little conversation that I noticed it was no longer "I play." or "Drink?" It was "Dabwei, I play." and "Dabwei, I hungy." I guess now that I know about his secret, Dabwei isn't a secret.
Another interesting thought... Maybe he made up Dabwei to help him not be afraid of water or dark places... I even caught him last night using one of the boxes as a boat in his room. He was even rowing it and giggling and looking down outside the box, as if Dabwei was cruising alongside him. When Toby saw me at the door, he smiled before standing in his boat and going, "Dabwei I play!" I didn't know what to say to that, so I just said, "OK." and left him to it.
I'm wondering if I'm going to have to start making a separate plate at meal times for Dabwei so Toby feels like Dabwei gets food as well, or if I'm going to have to put extra food on Toby's dish.
So time will tell, but I have a feeling my son isn't going to be afraid of any bullies with his buddy Dabwei around, and that makes me feel great on the inside. So with the imagination of a two year old still slightly baffling my mind, I bid you all a farewell.
Bounty Hunter... out!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Four Words at the Core. Read it an' Weep!
Hope. Faith. Love.
Those three words are usually at the center of every one's core. But as these days seem to tick by and I battle the darkness that covers my home every day and at night leaves the place looking like a hurricane hit, I realize that they aren't at the center of my core anymore... At least not during the day. No. I'll tell you what's at the center of my core.
Stress. Worry. Anger. And Fear.
Four words. Four heavy words.
Stress from trying to do everything. Worry that I won't get it all done in time. Anger at myself and my body for wanting to give out on me. And finally fear. Fear that I'll fail everyone around me, including my two sons that rely on me mostly to take care of them. They want no other usually.
I've tried remedying that. I've tried thinking positive, tried to get my mind off of this move and all the stress and strife it's costing my family. And yet it's like a cat that has dug it's claws into a branch of a tree and just won't let go, no matter how hard you shake the tree. The stress won't go away, and the strife always knocks me back with a strong backhand that has me reeling.
So what is one to do in this type of situation? Well, one does not really know what to do in this type of situation unless one has been in this type of situation before...
Be complete dears and just hold for two minutes while I go check on Aidan. I promise I shall return soon...
Ahem... Alright, crisis averted. My little wrecking ball couldn't see the T.V.
But as I was saying... What does one do in this type of situation? Well, I've just been muddling through it, figuring that after a while it would get bored with just hanging on and not really doing damage that it would leave... But no such luck. It's still holding on strong and pulling me down farther and farther into it's grasp.
Would it be horrible to say that I need a vacation away from everyone I live around? Would I be a bad parent if I said I needed a day or two away from my kids, away from my husband? And how much of a selfish person would I be if I said that I wanted to leave this house for a few days and do nothing but lounge and read a book or write a bit while just relaxing?
I found out yesterday why I don't doll myself up anymore... I got up extra early to get myself ready and looking nice to go into town when I had to drive Jason to work. I took a shower and got dressed, leaving my hair to dry before I started to straighten it. I got the kids ready to go on a car ride and then went to wake Jason up early because he wanted to call the place in Virgina to ask questions for today. Upon doing that, instead of him calling, he asked me to. So I did. It took a chunk out of my time for getting ready, but I did it anyways. As I started to straighten my hair, Aidan started freaking out. I'd straighten a few locks of my hair and he'd scream. So I had to stop and check on him constantly. I only got about half of my hair done by the time Jason was ready to use the bathroom, so I had to vacate it in lieu of him getting ready for work.
Long story short, I had to go into town with half done hair, no make up on, and not feeling gorgeous like I wanted to. But so is the life of a mother, I guess. I'm starting to think it might not be a good idea to doll myself up when I go out of the house... I'd have to get up four hours ahead of time just to do that so I could get a shower, get myself dressed and put make up on, then dry my hair naturally so it doesn't frizz before straightening it. Oh, you can't forget that I also have to wake my two kids up, get them dressed, fed, and ready to go before getting my husband ready to go sometimes... So if we had to leave at 6 in the morning, I'd have to get up at 2 am just to get everything done... No thank you. I think I'll take looking like a zombie and slightly frumpy but my kids looking great...
I really should be getting in the shower to start getting ready to go to my dad's. It'll take me that long to get everyone ready since Jason is on his way to Virgina (or already there and checking out cars. I'm not sure. I haven't received a phone call from him yet.) to get a new car. Not to mention Jason had wanted me to clean up the house a little because it was a disaster last night since I didn't get to do much. I had to go and pick him up from work, so I only got some of the dishes done and dinner ready for us before I was too wiped to do anything else but veg on the couch and watch T.V. that I really wasn't interested in, but too tired to grab the remote from Jason.
My last words for this blog before I go running and doing everything I have to before I go to my dad's... I WANT AN EASY BUTTON THAT WORKS! Ahem... Alright... I'm leaving now...
Bounty Hunter... OUT!
Those three words are usually at the center of every one's core. But as these days seem to tick by and I battle the darkness that covers my home every day and at night leaves the place looking like a hurricane hit, I realize that they aren't at the center of my core anymore... At least not during the day. No. I'll tell you what's at the center of my core.
Stress. Worry. Anger. And Fear.
Four words. Four heavy words.
Stress from trying to do everything. Worry that I won't get it all done in time. Anger at myself and my body for wanting to give out on me. And finally fear. Fear that I'll fail everyone around me, including my two sons that rely on me mostly to take care of them. They want no other usually.
I've tried remedying that. I've tried thinking positive, tried to get my mind off of this move and all the stress and strife it's costing my family. And yet it's like a cat that has dug it's claws into a branch of a tree and just won't let go, no matter how hard you shake the tree. The stress won't go away, and the strife always knocks me back with a strong backhand that has me reeling.
So what is one to do in this type of situation? Well, one does not really know what to do in this type of situation unless one has been in this type of situation before...
Be complete dears and just hold for two minutes while I go check on Aidan. I promise I shall return soon...
Ahem... Alright, crisis averted. My little wrecking ball couldn't see the T.V.
But as I was saying... What does one do in this type of situation? Well, I've just been muddling through it, figuring that after a while it would get bored with just hanging on and not really doing damage that it would leave... But no such luck. It's still holding on strong and pulling me down farther and farther into it's grasp.
Would it be horrible to say that I need a vacation away from everyone I live around? Would I be a bad parent if I said I needed a day or two away from my kids, away from my husband? And how much of a selfish person would I be if I said that I wanted to leave this house for a few days and do nothing but lounge and read a book or write a bit while just relaxing?
I found out yesterday why I don't doll myself up anymore... I got up extra early to get myself ready and looking nice to go into town when I had to drive Jason to work. I took a shower and got dressed, leaving my hair to dry before I started to straighten it. I got the kids ready to go on a car ride and then went to wake Jason up early because he wanted to call the place in Virgina to ask questions for today. Upon doing that, instead of him calling, he asked me to. So I did. It took a chunk out of my time for getting ready, but I did it anyways. As I started to straighten my hair, Aidan started freaking out. I'd straighten a few locks of my hair and he'd scream. So I had to stop and check on him constantly. I only got about half of my hair done by the time Jason was ready to use the bathroom, so I had to vacate it in lieu of him getting ready for work.
Long story short, I had to go into town with half done hair, no make up on, and not feeling gorgeous like I wanted to. But so is the life of a mother, I guess. I'm starting to think it might not be a good idea to doll myself up when I go out of the house... I'd have to get up four hours ahead of time just to do that so I could get a shower, get myself dressed and put make up on, then dry my hair naturally so it doesn't frizz before straightening it. Oh, you can't forget that I also have to wake my two kids up, get them dressed, fed, and ready to go before getting my husband ready to go sometimes... So if we had to leave at 6 in the morning, I'd have to get up at 2 am just to get everything done... No thank you. I think I'll take looking like a zombie and slightly frumpy but my kids looking great...
I really should be getting in the shower to start getting ready to go to my dad's. It'll take me that long to get everyone ready since Jason is on his way to Virgina (or already there and checking out cars. I'm not sure. I haven't received a phone call from him yet.) to get a new car. Not to mention Jason had wanted me to clean up the house a little because it was a disaster last night since I didn't get to do much. I had to go and pick him up from work, so I only got some of the dishes done and dinner ready for us before I was too wiped to do anything else but veg on the couch and watch T.V. that I really wasn't interested in, but too tired to grab the remote from Jason.
My last words for this blog before I go running and doing everything I have to before I go to my dad's... I WANT AN EASY BUTTON THAT WORKS! Ahem... Alright... I'm leaving now...
Bounty Hunter... OUT!
Monday, June 4, 2012
The Feeling of Hopelessness
I sit here tonight wondering what my life is going to be like in these next couple of weeks because Jason has gotten the job in Lewistown and will be the acting general manager there starting July 1st. That means that in a few measly weeks I will be "hopefully" living in a new house (that is if we ever find one down in Lewistown), meeting new people, and hopefully enjoying the new move while unpacking all of the stuff I have been placing in boxes.
I just slightly fear that everything is going to fall apart as it seems to have been lately. The houses we had been hoping to look at and rent have already been rented out but the people who own it refused or forgot to take the sign out of the windows of the houses and take the adds out of the paper. It's looking more and more likely that we're going to have to leave my lovely, amazing, gentle, and beautiful baby girl Ella with my dad since all of the houses or duplexes seem to be no pets.
If that happens it will take me a while to adjust to not having my security blanket in the guise of a gorgeous black lab/terrier mix. And nights will be slightly lonely without her snuggling up beside me and laying her head on my hip. But I'm 100% positive that if we have to loan her to my dad and Mel, that she will be taken care of very well just as they take very good care of Buster and their 5 cats.
Toby is getting more and more rambunctious with every day and stay up later and later, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I run him all over the place during the day hoping to get the energy out of him, and he runs circles around me with ease, but all that I seem to be doing is tiring myself out and he stays energized with no naps and stay up until sometimes 1 am.
Aidan seems to be feeling the stress that both Jason and I are feeling, and it's affecting him as much as it is affecting both of us, and I hate to see him like that. I try so desperately to be calm around him, but it seems like he has a special gift to sense feelings even when I am calm. The poor little guy is teething badly as well, so that is affecting him as much as Jason and I.
The stress might be why Toby is acting the way he is, but I also think it has to do with the terrible twos, since most of the time when I or Jason tell him "no" he smirks at us as does it anyways or he has a huge tantrum as if it's the end of the world that we would even think of saying that to him. What I don't slightly understand is this... If we leave the kids with someone else, they tell us that they were angels and didn't have any problems. The moment we poke our heads into the house that the boys are in, all chaos breaks loose and tantrums and screaming ensues.
Is it because I'm a bad parent and I can't teach them right? Is it because they didn't notice I was gone and when they saw me again they decided to punish me? Or is it Just my mixed up feelings causing strife in their small little hearts?
I don't know what it is, but when it happens, it makes me feel like a horrible parent when people are around. It makes me feel like the worst mother in the world, since other people can get my son to do things nicely and be perfect and all I can incite out of him is tantrums, arguments, and screaming. And as for my little one, it's gotten to the point that once he sees me, I'm not allowed out of his view or turning my head away from looking at him or he screams and cries to the point where he aggravates his reflux and spits up.
My thoughts are so jumbled that I can barely think straight these days, and it's affecting other parts in my life. I haven't meant to be neglectful to my friends, but in this past week I kind of have been. And the words that come out of my mouth aren't always the way I want them to sound, so I apologize to some people for that and I don't want any of you guys to take it the wrong way if I offended you. Cat, I am so sorry that I haven't been in vent or playing wow lately in a sense, and Mike and Omnis, I'm sorry that when I am in vent I seem to be preoccupied. Ron and Heather, I love the both of you like you're family. And Liz, I'm sorry I haven't talked to you lately, I've just been so incredibly busy calling people and trying to pack.
I'd also like to apologize to my husband (who won't read this because he really doesn't know it exists). I'd like to apologize for being snippy sometimes or non-talkative. I'm also sorry for seeming like an emotional mess when the kids are asleep. I'm just really starting to worry about our move and getting more and more depressed that I might have to leave my first baby with family members and not take her with me.
There's another couple of people I need to apologize to as well. My dad and Mel for starters... I'd like to apologize for how much I've been calling you lately and bothering you. I'd also like to apologize for calling to vent things to you too. I shouldn't be dumping my problems out onto you two or mom... It's unfair to you guys and I'll try to do less of it. And I want to apologize if it seemed when I was on the phone with you talking about taking Ella if you took it as you would take bad care of her. No, that wasn't what I want you to think. I just worry about her because she's a child to me, just like Toby and Aidan, and I worry so much about her happiness and health that I sometimes go overboard.
And mom... I want to apologize to my mother. I seem to be calling her at the least five times a day and bothering her to no extent along with dumping my problems on her as well. Mom, you have enough on your plate as it is and I shouldn't be adding to it. For that, I apologize in excess.
If I have to leave her, I'll feel like a failure for a while because she's just as important in my life as my other two boys are. She's kept all of us safe. I've cuddled with her in bed and on the couch during storms to make sure she wasn't afraid. We've literally watched movies together and talked it over between one another... (More so me talking and her listening and being speculative, but I digress.)
I'm noticing that I'm getting more and more tired quicker during the day, and I'm getting to the point where I'm going to bed at night at 10 pm, which is unnatural for me, but even if I've had a nice long sleep, I wake up feeling as if I haven't slept at all, and I have to start the vicious cycle of the day all over again. It's becoming rather mundane and feeling like it might be pointless, and I hate myself for starting to feel like that. The way the kids are acting I feel like I'm a horrible mother, even though countless people have told me otherwise. As it is right now, Toby is in his room screaming for an escape and will not lay down to go to bed, and no matter how many times I go in there and put him to bed, he just won't lay down.
It's times like these that I wish I could have a vacation down on the beach somewhere, not having to worry about packing or finding a place to live, not having to worry about kids screaming, and not having to worry if I'm going to be able to have a nice conversation with my husband without either one of us getting agitated from either the kids, words said, or tiredness.
Does anyone have a magic wand out there that can do something like that? And while you're at it, can you get rid of the horrible black circles under my eyes that make me look like I haven't had sleep in ages?
And in hind sight, I'd like to be able to say something and actually be right about it once in a while or not have people look at me like I've sprouted fifteen heads and all of them are breathing fire. But that's beyond the point, I've gotten used to that... But I'd really like to be able to type and read my words without them seeming to go blurry because my eyes are just so tired that they don't want to adjust.
Bounty Hunter Likes Credits... OUT! *Throws down smoke bomb* POOF! I'm gone.
I just slightly fear that everything is going to fall apart as it seems to have been lately. The houses we had been hoping to look at and rent have already been rented out but the people who own it refused or forgot to take the sign out of the windows of the houses and take the adds out of the paper. It's looking more and more likely that we're going to have to leave my lovely, amazing, gentle, and beautiful baby girl Ella with my dad since all of the houses or duplexes seem to be no pets.
If that happens it will take me a while to adjust to not having my security blanket in the guise of a gorgeous black lab/terrier mix. And nights will be slightly lonely without her snuggling up beside me and laying her head on my hip. But I'm 100% positive that if we have to loan her to my dad and Mel, that she will be taken care of very well just as they take very good care of Buster and their 5 cats.
Toby is getting more and more rambunctious with every day and stay up later and later, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I run him all over the place during the day hoping to get the energy out of him, and he runs circles around me with ease, but all that I seem to be doing is tiring myself out and he stays energized with no naps and stay up until sometimes 1 am.
Aidan seems to be feeling the stress that both Jason and I are feeling, and it's affecting him as much as it is affecting both of us, and I hate to see him like that. I try so desperately to be calm around him, but it seems like he has a special gift to sense feelings even when I am calm. The poor little guy is teething badly as well, so that is affecting him as much as Jason and I.
The stress might be why Toby is acting the way he is, but I also think it has to do with the terrible twos, since most of the time when I or Jason tell him "no" he smirks at us as does it anyways or he has a huge tantrum as if it's the end of the world that we would even think of saying that to him. What I don't slightly understand is this... If we leave the kids with someone else, they tell us that they were angels and didn't have any problems. The moment we poke our heads into the house that the boys are in, all chaos breaks loose and tantrums and screaming ensues.
Is it because I'm a bad parent and I can't teach them right? Is it because they didn't notice I was gone and when they saw me again they decided to punish me? Or is it Just my mixed up feelings causing strife in their small little hearts?
I don't know what it is, but when it happens, it makes me feel like a horrible parent when people are around. It makes me feel like the worst mother in the world, since other people can get my son to do things nicely and be perfect and all I can incite out of him is tantrums, arguments, and screaming. And as for my little one, it's gotten to the point that once he sees me, I'm not allowed out of his view or turning my head away from looking at him or he screams and cries to the point where he aggravates his reflux and spits up.
My thoughts are so jumbled that I can barely think straight these days, and it's affecting other parts in my life. I haven't meant to be neglectful to my friends, but in this past week I kind of have been. And the words that come out of my mouth aren't always the way I want them to sound, so I apologize to some people for that and I don't want any of you guys to take it the wrong way if I offended you. Cat, I am so sorry that I haven't been in vent or playing wow lately in a sense, and Mike and Omnis, I'm sorry that when I am in vent I seem to be preoccupied. Ron and Heather, I love the both of you like you're family. And Liz, I'm sorry I haven't talked to you lately, I've just been so incredibly busy calling people and trying to pack.
I'd also like to apologize to my husband (who won't read this because he really doesn't know it exists). I'd like to apologize for being snippy sometimes or non-talkative. I'm also sorry for seeming like an emotional mess when the kids are asleep. I'm just really starting to worry about our move and getting more and more depressed that I might have to leave my first baby with family members and not take her with me.
There's another couple of people I need to apologize to as well. My dad and Mel for starters... I'd like to apologize for how much I've been calling you lately and bothering you. I'd also like to apologize for calling to vent things to you too. I shouldn't be dumping my problems out onto you two or mom... It's unfair to you guys and I'll try to do less of it. And I want to apologize if it seemed when I was on the phone with you talking about taking Ella if you took it as you would take bad care of her. No, that wasn't what I want you to think. I just worry about her because she's a child to me, just like Toby and Aidan, and I worry so much about her happiness and health that I sometimes go overboard.
And mom... I want to apologize to my mother. I seem to be calling her at the least five times a day and bothering her to no extent along with dumping my problems on her as well. Mom, you have enough on your plate as it is and I shouldn't be adding to it. For that, I apologize in excess.
If I have to leave her, I'll feel like a failure for a while because she's just as important in my life as my other two boys are. She's kept all of us safe. I've cuddled with her in bed and on the couch during storms to make sure she wasn't afraid. We've literally watched movies together and talked it over between one another... (More so me talking and her listening and being speculative, but I digress.)
I'm noticing that I'm getting more and more tired quicker during the day, and I'm getting to the point where I'm going to bed at night at 10 pm, which is unnatural for me, but even if I've had a nice long sleep, I wake up feeling as if I haven't slept at all, and I have to start the vicious cycle of the day all over again. It's becoming rather mundane and feeling like it might be pointless, and I hate myself for starting to feel like that. The way the kids are acting I feel like I'm a horrible mother, even though countless people have told me otherwise. As it is right now, Toby is in his room screaming for an escape and will not lay down to go to bed, and no matter how many times I go in there and put him to bed, he just won't lay down.
It's times like these that I wish I could have a vacation down on the beach somewhere, not having to worry about packing or finding a place to live, not having to worry about kids screaming, and not having to worry if I'm going to be able to have a nice conversation with my husband without either one of us getting agitated from either the kids, words said, or tiredness.
Does anyone have a magic wand out there that can do something like that? And while you're at it, can you get rid of the horrible black circles under my eyes that make me look like I haven't had sleep in ages?
And in hind sight, I'd like to be able to say something and actually be right about it once in a while or not have people look at me like I've sprouted fifteen heads and all of them are breathing fire. But that's beyond the point, I've gotten used to that... But I'd really like to be able to type and read my words without them seeming to go blurry because my eyes are just so tired that they don't want to adjust.
Bounty Hunter Likes Credits... OUT! *Throws down smoke bomb* POOF! I'm gone.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Trials and Tribulations of a Moving Mother
Well, I know I haven't written in a while, and for some of you, you're shrugging and going, "Who really cares." But for those dedicated few that actually look forward to my posts, I bow to you all for being patient with me.
Last week my husband told me that his interview for a manager position in the company he works for was this week and that I needed to start packing the house up just in case he did get the job and we had to move. So, I rolled up my imaginary sleeves (since it's been 80-85 degrees here every day) and started doing just that.
Of course, with a 22 month old and a 5 month old, it's basically impossible to do what I had been instructed to do. Packing is such an easy task when you look at it, but add in the element of a attention driven 5 month old, a trouble-making 22 month old, and a wound up 2 year old black lab/terrier mix, and you get a disaster waiting to happen.
First day of packing...
I decided, since I had a few boxes to begin with, that I would start in our bedroom, since there are a bunch of things we aren't using and bedrooms always give me trouble. Everything was going good as I sorted through all of my old clothes, which I decided to donate a bunch to salvation army because I'll never fit into them again... (The beautiful wonders of being a mother. lol) But that lucky streak seemed to end as Toby decided he wanted to "help" mommy. It first started with throwing things in the box from the donation pile. Then it was standing up on the bed and getting into the box I was packing and pulling clothes out. When I told him he couldn't do that, he frowned at me and stormed out of the bedroom out into the living room.
Me being the hopeful mother that I am, I had hoped that he was watching the developmental child channel that I have on during the day to help stimulate learning in the kids. All was silent for around fifteen minutes and then I heard giggling before thumping of feet back the hallway and then into Toby's room. Ok, I had to check on him, because that giggle was his devious giggle that he does when he knows he's done something he shouldn't have done. So I stopped packing and leaned out into the hallway, only to see my oldest son, covered in orange crayon... All on his chest, all over his hands, on his legs and feet, and most importantly... It was all over his face and on his teeth.
The little stinker had taken one of his newer crayons (which is a soft crayola crayon that's easier for kids to color with) and colored on himself along with eating the crayon. I remember snorting and laughing my butt off as he stared at me, one of the biggest smiles on his face as if he was incredibly proud of what he had accomplished in such a little time. So commences the bath time, which was longer than usual because of all the scrubbing I had to do, and he still was a little oompa loompa for the rest of the day and most of the next, actually.
But back to what I did after I got him "slightly" clean. I went back to packing and actually got to finish a box. Count that... ONE. Haha. Things went slightly smoothly after that until Aidan decided that every piece of clothing I picked up to put in anothe rbox was taking attention away from him. So he'd scream as I picked up a piece of clothing, but stop once it was placed in the box. Finally, I think I got on the end of my rope with the attention craving that I stormed out to the living room and picked the little stinker up, which in turn caused him to squeal in delight and blow raspberries and bubbles at me.
So I did what any crazy mother would do. I waltzed back to the room still holding my youngest son and I very slowly and tediously started packing once again. And just as I thought I was going to be getting on a roll and getting a lot accomplished, Ella decided to put her two cents in. The dog went crazy and started whining before running circles around me.
They were out to drive me crazy is what I have surmised. But I'm still strong in the head... well, maybe. Ella needed to go out, and badly it seemed, even though I had taken her a little over half an hour before that, she must have been drinking all of her water and eating all of her food. Then proceeded the half an hour outside as she continuously sniffed everywhere to figure out where would be good to let loose.
FINALLY, as she did her business and I chased her back onto the porch, I set out to pack once again. Just as I think that I'm going to actually get through a box without any interruptions, the phone starts going off. It's my mom. I love talking to my mom, but I was at whit's end with all the inerruptions. I think she could probably tell, because she said I seemed tired and I just needed to relax. But I couldn't relax, not with how much needed packed still.
And then came the crash from the kitchen, somewhere I had blocked off so that Toby couldn't get to it. But my dog is ever so resourceful and had pushed the blockade away from the doorway and let Toby in. My son had crawled up onto a chair and gotten onto the dining room table. He had then proceeded to take everything that was on there and throw it onto the floor, which included one of his pull along toys that was heavy as heck. THAT was the noise I had heard. Thanking God that it hadn't been him, I quickly scooped him up and took him out of the kitchen, putting the barricade up once agian and noticing that Toby was rubbing at his eyes. He wasn't fully tired yet, but he was getting there. I escorted him back to his room and put a movie on for him, hoping he'd sit down and watch it. I tihnk went back to packing once again, but as my luck had it, Aidan started screaming.
Who knew trying to pack with kids would be so back and forth? Haha. I had thought that things couldn't be too bad, but I guess I was wrong. It went like that for the rest of the time I was packing, and after 3 hours, I finally gave up and decided that 5 boxes was good enough for the day, especially since I had a little oompa loompa and a 5 month old all vying for attention.
It's basically been like that since. I'm lucky if I get 3 hours a day to pack because the kids are just so involving. I've actually had other parents ask me how I'm able to deal with both of them at the same time without snapping or going insane. I'm still not quite sure. I do what I've got to do to be the good mommy to both of my kids.
And I can hear Aidan starting to get upset and I can hear Toby getting into SOMETHING, so I better go check on all of that. Not to mention, Ella keeps whining at the chair, even though I took her out just a little bit ago. Oh, my house never has a dull moment in it, that's for sure.
As for Jason's interview, it went well and he passed, now he just has to wow the RVM, whom he has his interview with in around half an hour with, so fingers crossed and prayers going out. We really want that job. It would mean a lot to our little family to have him have that promotion.
So, to all those reading this...
Bounty Hunter likes credits... OUT!
P.S. What I wrote here wasn't even really half of what happened that day, but I figured I should probably keep things out or this would be incredibly long. And I promise my next blog won't be this badly written. Lol.
Last week my husband told me that his interview for a manager position in the company he works for was this week and that I needed to start packing the house up just in case he did get the job and we had to move. So, I rolled up my imaginary sleeves (since it's been 80-85 degrees here every day) and started doing just that.
Of course, with a 22 month old and a 5 month old, it's basically impossible to do what I had been instructed to do. Packing is such an easy task when you look at it, but add in the element of a attention driven 5 month old, a trouble-making 22 month old, and a wound up 2 year old black lab/terrier mix, and you get a disaster waiting to happen.
First day of packing...
I decided, since I had a few boxes to begin with, that I would start in our bedroom, since there are a bunch of things we aren't using and bedrooms always give me trouble. Everything was going good as I sorted through all of my old clothes, which I decided to donate a bunch to salvation army because I'll never fit into them again... (The beautiful wonders of being a mother. lol) But that lucky streak seemed to end as Toby decided he wanted to "help" mommy. It first started with throwing things in the box from the donation pile. Then it was standing up on the bed and getting into the box I was packing and pulling clothes out. When I told him he couldn't do that, he frowned at me and stormed out of the bedroom out into the living room.
Me being the hopeful mother that I am, I had hoped that he was watching the developmental child channel that I have on during the day to help stimulate learning in the kids. All was silent for around fifteen minutes and then I heard giggling before thumping of feet back the hallway and then into Toby's room. Ok, I had to check on him, because that giggle was his devious giggle that he does when he knows he's done something he shouldn't have done. So I stopped packing and leaned out into the hallway, only to see my oldest son, covered in orange crayon... All on his chest, all over his hands, on his legs and feet, and most importantly... It was all over his face and on his teeth.
The little stinker had taken one of his newer crayons (which is a soft crayola crayon that's easier for kids to color with) and colored on himself along with eating the crayon. I remember snorting and laughing my butt off as he stared at me, one of the biggest smiles on his face as if he was incredibly proud of what he had accomplished in such a little time. So commences the bath time, which was longer than usual because of all the scrubbing I had to do, and he still was a little oompa loompa for the rest of the day and most of the next, actually.
But back to what I did after I got him "slightly" clean. I went back to packing and actually got to finish a box. Count that... ONE. Haha. Things went slightly smoothly after that until Aidan decided that every piece of clothing I picked up to put in anothe rbox was taking attention away from him. So he'd scream as I picked up a piece of clothing, but stop once it was placed in the box. Finally, I think I got on the end of my rope with the attention craving that I stormed out to the living room and picked the little stinker up, which in turn caused him to squeal in delight and blow raspberries and bubbles at me.
So I did what any crazy mother would do. I waltzed back to the room still holding my youngest son and I very slowly and tediously started packing once again. And just as I thought I was going to be getting on a roll and getting a lot accomplished, Ella decided to put her two cents in. The dog went crazy and started whining before running circles around me.
They were out to drive me crazy is what I have surmised. But I'm still strong in the head... well, maybe. Ella needed to go out, and badly it seemed, even though I had taken her a little over half an hour before that, she must have been drinking all of her water and eating all of her food. Then proceeded the half an hour outside as she continuously sniffed everywhere to figure out where would be good to let loose.
FINALLY, as she did her business and I chased her back onto the porch, I set out to pack once again. Just as I think that I'm going to actually get through a box without any interruptions, the phone starts going off. It's my mom. I love talking to my mom, but I was at whit's end with all the inerruptions. I think she could probably tell, because she said I seemed tired and I just needed to relax. But I couldn't relax, not with how much needed packed still.
And then came the crash from the kitchen, somewhere I had blocked off so that Toby couldn't get to it. But my dog is ever so resourceful and had pushed the blockade away from the doorway and let Toby in. My son had crawled up onto a chair and gotten onto the dining room table. He had then proceeded to take everything that was on there and throw it onto the floor, which included one of his pull along toys that was heavy as heck. THAT was the noise I had heard. Thanking God that it hadn't been him, I quickly scooped him up and took him out of the kitchen, putting the barricade up once agian and noticing that Toby was rubbing at his eyes. He wasn't fully tired yet, but he was getting there. I escorted him back to his room and put a movie on for him, hoping he'd sit down and watch it. I tihnk went back to packing once again, but as my luck had it, Aidan started screaming.
Who knew trying to pack with kids would be so back and forth? Haha. I had thought that things couldn't be too bad, but I guess I was wrong. It went like that for the rest of the time I was packing, and after 3 hours, I finally gave up and decided that 5 boxes was good enough for the day, especially since I had a little oompa loompa and a 5 month old all vying for attention.
It's basically been like that since. I'm lucky if I get 3 hours a day to pack because the kids are just so involving. I've actually had other parents ask me how I'm able to deal with both of them at the same time without snapping or going insane. I'm still not quite sure. I do what I've got to do to be the good mommy to both of my kids.
And I can hear Aidan starting to get upset and I can hear Toby getting into SOMETHING, so I better go check on all of that. Not to mention, Ella keeps whining at the chair, even though I took her out just a little bit ago. Oh, my house never has a dull moment in it, that's for sure.
As for Jason's interview, it went well and he passed, now he just has to wow the RVM, whom he has his interview with in around half an hour with, so fingers crossed and prayers going out. We really want that job. It would mean a lot to our little family to have him have that promotion.
So, to all those reading this...
Bounty Hunter likes credits... OUT!
P.S. What I wrote here wasn't even really half of what happened that day, but I figured I should probably keep things out or this would be incredibly long. And I promise my next blog won't be this badly written. Lol.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Ya Live Only Once, So Do What You Can!
I sit here tonight at my computer going over things in my head from past moments and from things that have happened now. One thing is certain though... Through everything that has happened to me in my insignificant life, I know one absolute...
You live only once, so use what time you have, do what you want, and screw anyone else who has an opinion on it! Because it's just that... an opinion! If they don't like it, well, then they don't have to talk about it or look at what you're doing.
People can be incredibly ridiculous when it comes to things that don't even involve them in any ways! For example, when my brother (who lives out of state with my mom) came to visit my dad a little while ago, and brought his girlfriend with him, he made his opinion known about how I'm teaching Toby... My dad told me that he was complaining about how Toby doesn't talk enough for a kid his age.
There are a few things wrong with his opinion, to start out with...
#1. He barely sees Toby once every 6 months if he's lucky.
#2. My son speaks over 30 words when he wants to, he just chooses to say his made up ramblings instead.
And #3. Kids his age are supposed to be talking around 20-24 words, so he's in a sense ahead of the game.
So my brother was way off key in saying what he said. He had no right to say that about my ways of teaching. Yeah, it rubbed me the wrong way for a little bit - about a week - but then I got to thinking... He's not Toby's father, Jason is. He's just an uncle that Toby sees once in a blue moon, so his opinion doesn't really count.
And I've started taking that aspect with everything as well. Yeah, I'll listen to people's opinions, but they're just that... their opinions, and they have no right to try and make me do anything I don't want to do.
I kinda feel bad for Jason, though. He has this truck, it's an awesome truck, but it's got a lot of custom stuff on it, meaning if it broke, we'd be up poo-creek without a paddle in fixing it. We were really lucky this time around when it broke. The part was stock, so we're able to get it fixed for a rather decent price. But because of this, Jason has decided to sell his "car baby" and buy a different car. One that is easier on gas and looks nice.
We have a family vehicle that is 4 wheel drive, so a family vehicle isn't needed. And like the title of this blog, you only live once... You're only given one life to live, so you should live it up, right? Well, Jason had found a decently priced Fire Bird that was in amazing shape and not too far from where we live. We had talked it over, and my thoughts on the matter were... Well, we have a family vehicle and a 4 wheel drive vehicle, so why not. (And really, if they're is one opinion that should matter, it should only be your spouse, since you live with them.) I also wouldn't mind the car because that way when we go on dates, we can take the amazing looking car that's sexy rather then the family axiom that's, well... family like.
But I guess today when he was at work and told someone about it, they told him it was a rediculous and stupid plan... And then I guess his father told him that as well... Poor Jason. He was shattered. But what I can't seem to get through to him is that it's their opinion, and they don't have a right to really be saying that to him, since it's not their life, it's his.
So words of advice for those of you reading this... If you aren't really an intrical part of someone's life, then don't degrade them when they tell you something that fills them with joy... Especially if it's to my husband. Because now I want to pulverize the people who dashed his hopes, even though they technically should not be dashed. And now he's looking at vehicles that look stupid and bulky and aren't sport's cars... Ugh! Now my hopes are dashed as well... Bravo stupid people, bravo! Now I have a legal rite to pulverize you for what I believe in!
I WANT A SPORT'S CAR! If I can't technically own one because I'm a soccer momma, then sure as shit, I want my husband to! I want to be able to go out on a date and feel sexy in a car that sleek, fast, and basically purrs my name as the engine revs... not some clunky two bit car that just gets him to work and back... Then I'd be stuck driving all the time in y axiom and I don't always like to drive.
So, moral of this blog that I wasn't even going to write until hubby told me about his car trouble... Keep your opinions to yourself if it's along the lines of... "That's a stupid plan! Do something else!" Because frankly, I'll find every opportunity to tell you at every point, "That's a stupid plan, do something else!" Even if it's a good plan, I'll sow the seeds of doubt into that tiny one track mind of yours and ruin that wonderful scheme you had going, just because you did it to my hubby...
Yes, I can be downright evil when it calls for it, and I don't care how many Dark Side points I'd get from it. I'll do it because I stick up for what's mine, and really (I look behind myself at my hubby) he's mine.
Parents all over the world, if your kids are grown up and moved out... If they tell you an idea, just smile, nod, and go, "Well gee, that sounds interesting." But never! NEVER! Tell them it's a stupid idea! My dad gave up on that idea a while ago when I told him I was getting married to Jason. When he told me it was a stupid idea, I reamember getting agitated with him to the point of storming out of the house. It was after that, that he stopped saying that kind of stuff, He now keeps his mouth closed if I tell him something that he's not too keen on.
So please... please, please, please. Keep opinions to yourself unless it directly involves you, or someone like me might be uppercutting your face in the future.
Well, I have rebels to kill, bounties to hunt, and credits to claim. So, on this final note... Bounty Hunter OUT!
You live only once, so use what time you have, do what you want, and screw anyone else who has an opinion on it! Because it's just that... an opinion! If they don't like it, well, then they don't have to talk about it or look at what you're doing.
People can be incredibly ridiculous when it comes to things that don't even involve them in any ways! For example, when my brother (who lives out of state with my mom) came to visit my dad a little while ago, and brought his girlfriend with him, he made his opinion known about how I'm teaching Toby... My dad told me that he was complaining about how Toby doesn't talk enough for a kid his age.
There are a few things wrong with his opinion, to start out with...
#1. He barely sees Toby once every 6 months if he's lucky.
#2. My son speaks over 30 words when he wants to, he just chooses to say his made up ramblings instead.
And #3. Kids his age are supposed to be talking around 20-24 words, so he's in a sense ahead of the game.
So my brother was way off key in saying what he said. He had no right to say that about my ways of teaching. Yeah, it rubbed me the wrong way for a little bit - about a week - but then I got to thinking... He's not Toby's father, Jason is. He's just an uncle that Toby sees once in a blue moon, so his opinion doesn't really count.
And I've started taking that aspect with everything as well. Yeah, I'll listen to people's opinions, but they're just that... their opinions, and they have no right to try and make me do anything I don't want to do.
I kinda feel bad for Jason, though. He has this truck, it's an awesome truck, but it's got a lot of custom stuff on it, meaning if it broke, we'd be up poo-creek without a paddle in fixing it. We were really lucky this time around when it broke. The part was stock, so we're able to get it fixed for a rather decent price. But because of this, Jason has decided to sell his "car baby" and buy a different car. One that is easier on gas and looks nice.
We have a family vehicle that is 4 wheel drive, so a family vehicle isn't needed. And like the title of this blog, you only live once... You're only given one life to live, so you should live it up, right? Well, Jason had found a decently priced Fire Bird that was in amazing shape and not too far from where we live. We had talked it over, and my thoughts on the matter were... Well, we have a family vehicle and a 4 wheel drive vehicle, so why not. (And really, if they're is one opinion that should matter, it should only be your spouse, since you live with them.) I also wouldn't mind the car because that way when we go on dates, we can take the amazing looking car that's sexy rather then the family axiom that's, well... family like.
But I guess today when he was at work and told someone about it, they told him it was a rediculous and stupid plan... And then I guess his father told him that as well... Poor Jason. He was shattered. But what I can't seem to get through to him is that it's their opinion, and they don't have a right to really be saying that to him, since it's not their life, it's his.
So words of advice for those of you reading this... If you aren't really an intrical part of someone's life, then don't degrade them when they tell you something that fills them with joy... Especially if it's to my husband. Because now I want to pulverize the people who dashed his hopes, even though they technically should not be dashed. And now he's looking at vehicles that look stupid and bulky and aren't sport's cars... Ugh! Now my hopes are dashed as well... Bravo stupid people, bravo! Now I have a legal rite to pulverize you for what I believe in!
I WANT A SPORT'S CAR! If I can't technically own one because I'm a soccer momma, then sure as shit, I want my husband to! I want to be able to go out on a date and feel sexy in a car that sleek, fast, and basically purrs my name as the engine revs... not some clunky two bit car that just gets him to work and back... Then I'd be stuck driving all the time in y axiom and I don't always like to drive.
So, moral of this blog that I wasn't even going to write until hubby told me about his car trouble... Keep your opinions to yourself if it's along the lines of... "That's a stupid plan! Do something else!" Because frankly, I'll find every opportunity to tell you at every point, "That's a stupid plan, do something else!" Even if it's a good plan, I'll sow the seeds of doubt into that tiny one track mind of yours and ruin that wonderful scheme you had going, just because you did it to my hubby...
Yes, I can be downright evil when it calls for it, and I don't care how many Dark Side points I'd get from it. I'll do it because I stick up for what's mine, and really (I look behind myself at my hubby) he's mine.
Parents all over the world, if your kids are grown up and moved out... If they tell you an idea, just smile, nod, and go, "Well gee, that sounds interesting." But never! NEVER! Tell them it's a stupid idea! My dad gave up on that idea a while ago when I told him I was getting married to Jason. When he told me it was a stupid idea, I reamember getting agitated with him to the point of storming out of the house. It was after that, that he stopped saying that kind of stuff, He now keeps his mouth closed if I tell him something that he's not too keen on.
So please... please, please, please. Keep opinions to yourself unless it directly involves you, or someone like me might be uppercutting your face in the future.
Well, I have rebels to kill, bounties to hunt, and credits to claim. So, on this final note... Bounty Hunter OUT!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Blogging is for the professionals, so why am I doing this again? Cat, anyone, ideas?
Blogging. I've heard people talk about it. My friend has one. People have told me I should start one, and yet, I never have. I had never wanted to conform to what everyone else was doing at the time. I always loved to go my own path, which usually meant going to opposite way of everyone else.
Everyone was writing about themselves. I just couldn't do it, and I still think that I'm not very good at it... But give me a song list featuring the Beatles and Metallica, and you've got the right concoction for a good fantasy/sci fi fiction coming from these nimble fingertips that are able to snatch a running 21 month old from thin air. Haha.
I had wanted to write about my friend's and I's journeys in the world of SWTOR, but I've restarted this blog I think about twenty times (and I'm not exaggerating there) and I just can't get it right unless I were to make it a short story, and I don't believe blogs are supposed to be short stories. Nope, I just researched it. It's supposed to be journal entry after journal entry about the person's every day life or their opinions or something along those lines...
If that's the case, then I'm completely screwed in that department, that's for sure. I failed miserably, even at a little age, of trying the diary or journal thing. Looking back at them, I always seemed to make up a character for that day and write down what they did, but in a story sense. But I guess I can try this thing, since there are quite a few people out there that want to read a blog from me. (Still unsure why, since the funniest I get is when I talk in vent.)
Being 24 with two little kids can be quite the hassle, and leave little time to write anything these days. But there are those moments where Toby is sitting in his room watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and Aidan is playing in the pack in play, leaving me to scratch the top of my head and wonder what I should be doing. Yeah, some of the house needs cleaned, but I usually wait until I put Toby to bed to do that trivial stuff, that way I'm not repeating myself 20 times that day for something that should only have been done once.
I sit here now, wishing I was writing more to a story that I have started about two of my characters from SWTOR. While playing the game, you don't quite get the in depth that I had wanted. They don't really delve into things too far. Well, they can't. It would probably loose people left and right if it did. So I thought to myself as I was playing, "Ya know, I've always had these characters locked in my head and never had a reason to write down on paper about them." It was the realization that hit when the Legacy System was unlocked that really jet started me into putting down on paper about these two that are so close to my heart.
Zeik Helikias and his legacy that follows him and Ulic Balios, his faithful Bounty Hunter companion. These two are my passion in a sense with writing. I could sit down, with my music playing, and write out fifteen pages about the two and their adventures in only a few hours. (Which I actually did last night in around three hours time.)
That's my true passion, actually. Writing. Yeah, I love being mommy during the day and playing SWTOR at night with my friends after the kids have been taken care of, but my real passion is writing about characters that have been stuck in my head for years without anywhere to wander except deeper into my mind and on more adventures as their time goes on. People have said to me that I should become a writer, but I just can't, I don't think. I like writing about my characters from Star Wars, from World of Warcraft, and I couldn't get those published. I doubt George Lucas would read my work and smile before going, "Wow! That's actually pretty interesting! Let's get it published and put on shelves!" No, I bet he'd start reading it, laugh and then look up before going, "This is a pile of crap for the Star Wars Universe! You disgrace my work by doing something like this!" And Blizzard would laugh in my face at the thought of Desiterus Celestius being something fit for a story.
And that fear is why I haven't put up any of my writings where people can see them. I have my faithful writing buddy Liz, who reads them and inspires me a little with her words, but she's the only one that ever reads the stuff. I don't even allow my husband to read it for fear of him thinking its crap.
It would be awesome though, if I could get it published, but that's just an ultimate fantasy that I have that will never come to pass. You see all these other people writing about different people in the Star Wars Universe, and I'd love to be one of them, because I research everything before writing a chapter (sadly), but dreams are meant to stay just that... dreams.
But back to the blogging thing, since I seem to be getting off track a little... what am I talking about, I got off by a whole continent in a sense with that tangent about writing.
But what can I say about myself that I haven't really said already? See, I'm not good at the writing about myself thing. Writing epic journeys about other people and their lives is such simple work to me, but writing my opinions and my life down... It's just ridiculously hard and I can't seem to do it. So the question of the day to those reading out there...
Is it possible to write about someone else's adventures in a blog? Or does it have to be about your day or your opinions? Because my days are usually all the same and my opinions just stay that, my opinions (and are never aired to the public.). Some Feedback would be interesting about this, since I know I've probably botched this thing called a blog (which probably isn't even a blog).
I would love to blog about Ulic and Zeik's lives, it would definately be more interesting, but is that allowed?
The many questions that fill my head with no one here to answer them except my trust lab/terrier mix Ella and my youngest son Aidan, who is drinking his bottle at this point in time. My oldest, Tobias, is happily in his room watching Master Yoda and three clones fight off Ventress' droids... Yes, I know most of the scenes from Star Wars: the Clone Wars. It's my duty as a mommy to know those things and the theme songs from things.
Of course, that group of misfits really don't have an opinion about blogs or actually known anything of it. So I sit here, wondering to myself if the people reading this are laughing their asses off at how much of a poor excuse this is for a blog, or if they're actually rather interested. Or, a third option... they're just so incredibly confused that they've closed out of this and forgotten completely about it.
Who knows, who cares, really. For those of you who have made it this far into the entry and are still reading, I congratulate you with big 'yays' and a round of applause.
And now I bid you all adeau, for I have mommy duty once again that is calling my name by the yells of my two sons. Oh, and Cat... remind me again why I wanted to do this? It's harder then I thought it would be... WAY harder.
Everyone was writing about themselves. I just couldn't do it, and I still think that I'm not very good at it... But give me a song list featuring the Beatles and Metallica, and you've got the right concoction for a good fantasy/sci fi fiction coming from these nimble fingertips that are able to snatch a running 21 month old from thin air. Haha.
I had wanted to write about my friend's and I's journeys in the world of SWTOR, but I've restarted this blog I think about twenty times (and I'm not exaggerating there) and I just can't get it right unless I were to make it a short story, and I don't believe blogs are supposed to be short stories. Nope, I just researched it. It's supposed to be journal entry after journal entry about the person's every day life or their opinions or something along those lines...
If that's the case, then I'm completely screwed in that department, that's for sure. I failed miserably, even at a little age, of trying the diary or journal thing. Looking back at them, I always seemed to make up a character for that day and write down what they did, but in a story sense. But I guess I can try this thing, since there are quite a few people out there that want to read a blog from me. (Still unsure why, since the funniest I get is when I talk in vent.)
Being 24 with two little kids can be quite the hassle, and leave little time to write anything these days. But there are those moments where Toby is sitting in his room watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and Aidan is playing in the pack in play, leaving me to scratch the top of my head and wonder what I should be doing. Yeah, some of the house needs cleaned, but I usually wait until I put Toby to bed to do that trivial stuff, that way I'm not repeating myself 20 times that day for something that should only have been done once.
I sit here now, wishing I was writing more to a story that I have started about two of my characters from SWTOR. While playing the game, you don't quite get the in depth that I had wanted. They don't really delve into things too far. Well, they can't. It would probably loose people left and right if it did. So I thought to myself as I was playing, "Ya know, I've always had these characters locked in my head and never had a reason to write down on paper about them." It was the realization that hit when the Legacy System was unlocked that really jet started me into putting down on paper about these two that are so close to my heart.
Zeik Helikias and his legacy that follows him and Ulic Balios, his faithful Bounty Hunter companion. These two are my passion in a sense with writing. I could sit down, with my music playing, and write out fifteen pages about the two and their adventures in only a few hours. (Which I actually did last night in around three hours time.)
That's my true passion, actually. Writing. Yeah, I love being mommy during the day and playing SWTOR at night with my friends after the kids have been taken care of, but my real passion is writing about characters that have been stuck in my head for years without anywhere to wander except deeper into my mind and on more adventures as their time goes on. People have said to me that I should become a writer, but I just can't, I don't think. I like writing about my characters from Star Wars, from World of Warcraft, and I couldn't get those published. I doubt George Lucas would read my work and smile before going, "Wow! That's actually pretty interesting! Let's get it published and put on shelves!" No, I bet he'd start reading it, laugh and then look up before going, "This is a pile of crap for the Star Wars Universe! You disgrace my work by doing something like this!" And Blizzard would laugh in my face at the thought of Desiterus Celestius being something fit for a story.
And that fear is why I haven't put up any of my writings where people can see them. I have my faithful writing buddy Liz, who reads them and inspires me a little with her words, but she's the only one that ever reads the stuff. I don't even allow my husband to read it for fear of him thinking its crap.
It would be awesome though, if I could get it published, but that's just an ultimate fantasy that I have that will never come to pass. You see all these other people writing about different people in the Star Wars Universe, and I'd love to be one of them, because I research everything before writing a chapter (sadly), but dreams are meant to stay just that... dreams.
But back to the blogging thing, since I seem to be getting off track a little... what am I talking about, I got off by a whole continent in a sense with that tangent about writing.
But what can I say about myself that I haven't really said already? See, I'm not good at the writing about myself thing. Writing epic journeys about other people and their lives is such simple work to me, but writing my opinions and my life down... It's just ridiculously hard and I can't seem to do it. So the question of the day to those reading out there...
Is it possible to write about someone else's adventures in a blog? Or does it have to be about your day or your opinions? Because my days are usually all the same and my opinions just stay that, my opinions (and are never aired to the public.). Some Feedback would be interesting about this, since I know I've probably botched this thing called a blog (which probably isn't even a blog).
I would love to blog about Ulic and Zeik's lives, it would definately be more interesting, but is that allowed?
The many questions that fill my head with no one here to answer them except my trust lab/terrier mix Ella and my youngest son Aidan, who is drinking his bottle at this point in time. My oldest, Tobias, is happily in his room watching Master Yoda and three clones fight off Ventress' droids... Yes, I know most of the scenes from Star Wars: the Clone Wars. It's my duty as a mommy to know those things and the theme songs from things.
Of course, that group of misfits really don't have an opinion about blogs or actually known anything of it. So I sit here, wondering to myself if the people reading this are laughing their asses off at how much of a poor excuse this is for a blog, or if they're actually rather interested. Or, a third option... they're just so incredibly confused that they've closed out of this and forgotten completely about it.
Who knows, who cares, really. For those of you who have made it this far into the entry and are still reading, I congratulate you with big 'yays' and a round of applause.
And now I bid you all adeau, for I have mommy duty once again that is calling my name by the yells of my two sons. Oh, and Cat... remind me again why I wanted to do this? It's harder then I thought it would be... WAY harder.
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